Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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