Define "chronic" masturbator.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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