you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
