wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
