im six kinds of drunk right now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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