I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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