Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
