Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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