my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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