How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
