If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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