Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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