How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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