I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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