sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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