i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
