happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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