Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
