I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
