For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
