I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
