I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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