I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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