My hand turned me down
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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