if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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