'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
