Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
