Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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