Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
