Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
