I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is wine microwaveable?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
