NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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