i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
