Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
