Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
