I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
