No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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