I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
