True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
