If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
