please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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