yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sobbing to NWA
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
