Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
