overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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