my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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