I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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