he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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