ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
