Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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