yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
