Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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