I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
