So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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